I am not proud that this meme is attached to this post. It’s so obvious, it’s the laziest thing I’ve ever done.

For fuck’s sake, follow the rules of bike polo. The rules are there to keep you safe (you fucking goon), and they are there to protect your disgusting body and your piece-of-shit bike and your expensive polo gear. The truly beautiful thing about our sport is that there are so few rules in the first place. I recently read something I really liked on League of Bike Polo:  every new sport is advanced in the space between the rules, and that strategic advancement is not dictated by the rules themselves. For example, with the development of bike polo specific equipment, such as mallet heads that enhance scooping ability and frames that center your weight more appropriately for hopping and pivot turning, we are each individually granted the new tactics, and those tactics give us exponentially more choices to make as a team on the court. And that’s a beautiful thing if you ask me.

This is a clean hit. Good job, Javier! Lead by example.

Now, I realize that not everyone shares my peachy idealistic view of the rules. Some kids want to be Spartan renegades and play by their own rules, and I have been trying my best to appreciate that position. I understand that everyone interprets “the rules” differently, specifically the definitions for high sticking, slashing, and off-ball contact. Some kids want to play exclusively by our golden rule of polo, Don’t Be A Dick. But can’t you see how this reductionist point of view leads to less of a grey area and more of a black hole? If there are enough kids on the court playing by different definitions of a slash or hack, aggression will escalate wicked quick. Retaliatory strikes (guilty of these myself) are arguably even more egregious than offending actions such as slashing, because they are motivated by vengeance and anger, and are way more likely to cause accidents. Also, that’s like totally the definition of being a dick, and we all JUST agreed that we shouldn’t be dicks like thirty seconds ago.

If I were reffing this game, I would eject every player for tucking his shirt into his fucking underwear. (Also this is a high stick, that’s a turnover)

I want to take a moment and recognize the work Nick Kruse is putting into updating the rules. He recently showed me a few of his updates, and his language is so clear and his writing is so effective that I swear I saw a flock of doves fly out of his laptop’s screen. But what do we do when we have a disagreement about the rules at pickup? Shouldn’t the rules be more flexible (i.e. allowing wrist shots, throwing your mallet at the ball) since there are beginners present and we’re all just drinking and having fun? I suggested to our club that we use the most current version of NAH rules and regulations at pickup, but only to enforce turnovers. That way, we have good habits on the court when traveling to other cities for tournaments. You might argue that strictly reffing and enforcing turnovers during pickup games takes away the inherent punk-rock nature that is essential to the spirit of bike polo. To that, I say you are dead fucking wrong, kiddo. We all have lives outside of bike polo, even if we don’t want to admit it; we can’t go around breaking each others’ bones and sporting black eyes to the office— I’m not sixteen anymore. I know that taking hits and falls is part of the game, I know that the smart thing to do is wear pads and a face cage, because accidents (that is to say, accidents caused by Tobi) happen. But should I dress like a NFL linebacker just to play a pickup game of bike polo? I have responsibilities as a human being— I have cats to feed, man!

Nice salmon head. But keep it under your shoulders or else it’s a turnover.
(photo: @TP6017)

Let me reframe my argument: I don’t particularly care if people break the rules. It doesn’t make me cry and it doesn’t make me cum, I am completely indifferent to it. Really, I just want to play polo, and if you break the rules and endanger my well-being, frankly that’s ok because I should have expected it— bike polo is dangerous. However, there is a line that any reasonable person should not cross, and it is an admittedly fuzzy line. How do you quantify the aggression in Lomax’s wild swing? If Zach Blackburn elbows you in the chest while you’re playing goal, how aggressively can you protect yourself? I don’t have the answers to these questions. I only hope that we can get back to what the game is truly about, in my opinion, which is mallet skill and speed. Picks and hits have a place in bike polo, but slamming on your friends’ steering arms and knocking them off their bikes seems unnecessarily barbaric. As Bill and Ted once said on their excellent adventure, “Be excellent to each another, and party on, dudes!” -ZS

These guys would NEVER do anything un-excellent like put a mallet under your front wheel.

The post Too Cool for Rules? Don’t Be That Guy. appeared first on Boston Bike Polo.

HOLY SH*%#TT!!! This is lightest mallet we have ever held! Ruben insists it is still in prototype mode, but we like where its headed.

The post 50 Shades of Ruben and The Lightest Mallet in History appeared first on Boston Bike Polo.

HOLY SH*%#TT!!! This is lightest mallet we have ever held! Ruben insists it is still in prototype mode, but we like where its headed.

The post 50 Shades of Ruben and The Lightest Mallet in History appeared first on Boston Bike Polo.

Assassins vs Beavers.

This is how bike polo is meant to be played. Hard-nosed, tough, physical and fast polo.

I can’t figure out how to embed the video into this post, so here’s the link: http://mrdovideo.com/2013/12/beavers-assassins/ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Here’s what I was watching for:

Look at that sunset! Watching Koyo on the ball is like watching an American Bald Eagle poach a salmon out of the Mississippi River.

Ball handling. Koyo is a master at keeping the ball where only he can control it, specifically when he has a lot of momentum. I don’t think I saw him turn the ball over once. Do you know how incredible that is, to play the World Champions and never lose the ball? Teams that control the ball dictate the pace of the game. The Assassins play fast, take hard quick shots, and take a lot of calculated risks playing goal. This works out for them because they are positionally perfect; they don’t get caught behind the net or get beat at halfcourt. And to the Beavers credit, they are not dumb. They play tight, tenacious defense with a relatively soft forecheck and wait for the Assassins to shoot, taking advantage of the Assassins mistakes and creep into the offensive zone. That’s where they excel, pressuring the ball into the net.

LOL u r lookin the wrong way dood

Picks and setting up plays. The Beavers do it better than anyone. Whenever a Beaver feels pressure from any of the Assassins, they drop the ball to the last man back and pick that attacker off the ball. That’s phenomenally unselfish teamwork. Mediocre players want to streak down the court and force a shot into a wheelcover every time, but that’s not a great way to score goals. Great players are often patient and calm, waiting for a shot to present itself after the defense breaks down. That’s what happens at 2:55, Dillman slowly snakes his way into Assassins territory, draws Lefty Joe out of the goal with a deke, and shoves a limp dick goal into the net. It’s not very entertaining, but you can’t deny that it’s effective.

If Nick Kruse falls down in the forest and there’s no one there to make fun of him, did it really happen?

Bike handling. This is less important than controlling the ball or setting up picks, but holy shit these kids are great on their bikes. Obviously when you dab, you’re of no use to anyone on the court. This game displays a lot of smart hopping by both teams. Staying upright and turning towards the middle of the court is your best bet for creating or disrupting opportunities on the ball. My favorite example comes at 4:50, where Koyo takes an errant rip at the net and the rebound bounces out to the top of center court. Koyo is totally out of position, but he still uses his momentum to pivot turn on his front wheel and maintain possession of the ball. He then curves around down the left wall and takes a perfect backhand shot, resulting in a goal for the Assassins. Poetry in motion.

Thanks to Mr. Do for posting these incredible games on the internet and giving me something to do for an hour. I can only hope that some Boston players get on the internet so I can make fun of them, too. -ZS

The post HOLY SHIT – Assassins vs Beavers WHBPC13 appeared first on Boston Bike Polo.

Assassins vs Beavers.

This is how bike polo is meant to be played. Hard-nosed, tough, physical and fast polo.

I can’t figure out how to embed the video into this post, so here’s the link: http://mrdovideo.com/2013/12/beavers-assassins/ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Here’s what I was watching for:

Look at that sunset! Watching Koyo on the ball is like watching an American Bald Eagle poach a salmon out of the Mississippi River.

Ball handling. Koyo is a master at keeping the ball where only he can control it, specifically when he has a lot of momentum. I don’t think I saw him turn the ball over once. Do you know how incredible that is, to play the World Champions and never lose the ball? Teams that control the ball dictate the pace of the game. The Assassins play fast, take hard quick shots, and take a lot of calculated risks playing goal. This works out for them because they are positionally perfect; they don’t get caught behind the net or get beat at halfcourt. And to the Beavers credit, they are not dumb. They play tight, tenacious defense with a relatively soft forecheck and wait for the Assassins to shoot, taking advantage of the Assassins mistakes and creep into the offensive zone. That’s where they excel, pressuring the ball into the net.

LOL u r lookin the wrong way dood

Picks and setting up plays. The Beavers do it better than anyone. Whenever a Beaver feels pressure from any of the Assassins, they drop the ball to the last man back and pick that attacker off the ball. That’s phenomenally unselfish teamwork. Mediocre players want to streak down the court and force a shot into a wheelcover every time, but that’s not a great way to score goals. Great players are often patient and calm, waiting for a shot to present itself after the defense breaks down. That’s what happens at 2:55, Dillman slowly snakes his way into Assassins territory, draws Lefty Joe out of the goal with a deke, and shoves a limp dick goal into the net. It’s not very entertaining, but you can’t deny that it’s effective.

If Nick Kruse falls down in the forest and there’s no one there to make fun of him, did it really happen?

Bike handling. This is less important than controlling the ball or setting up picks, but holy shit these kids are great on their bikes. Obviously when you dab, you’re of no use to anyone on the court. This game displays a lot of smart hopping by both teams. Staying upright and turning towards the middle of the court is your best bet for creating or disrupting opportunities on the ball. My favorite example comes at 4:50, where Koyo takes an errant rip at the net and the rebound bounces out to the top of center court. Koyo is totally out of position, but he still uses his momentum to pivot turn on his front wheel and maintain possession of the ball. He then curves around down the left wall and takes a perfect backhand shot, resulting in a goal for the Assassins. Poetry in motion.

Thanks to Mr. Do for posting these incredible games on the internet and giving me something to do for an hour. I can only hope that some Boston players get on the internet so I can make fun of them, too. -ZS

The post HOLY SHIT – Assassins vs Beavers WHBPC13 appeared first on Boston Bike Polo.

If you have played bike polo in your lifetime, you have been a loser.
If you continue to play bike polo, you will definitely lose again.

Losing sucks. It’s probably the second most shitty thing that can happen while playing polo, after breaking your scaphoid. There are only four different outcomes from a game of polo: your team wins, your team loses, both teams tie, or the game ends prematurely because someone broke his scaphoid. There are so many emotions that we have to deal with as players, and not to get all psychiatric or anything, but having the emotional maturity to deal with a tough loss is SUPER important when dealing with angry drunk bikers holding long aluminum sticks.

I’ve recently changed my perspective about losing (or as I like to call it, “not winning”), and while the pain of losing still stings like a nest of wasps, I am much more gracious than I used to be. I used to throw mallets and mean mug my friends and yell and scream like a little bitch. It was embarrassing in the purest sense of the word; embarrassing for my teammates, embarrassing for my club, and most of all embarrassing for me. I’m not proud of it, but I am man enough to admit that I can be a sore loser.

When you lose, don’t be this guy.

The change I made is specific to the way I relate to the game in my head. I make a very conscious effort to remind myself that I have to be friends with everyone I played with when I get off the court. On the court, this means that I can’t make fun of my opponents stupid shirt, no matter how fucking stupid it is. I can’t cheat or be a dick or be unsportsmanlike, it is unbecoming of a newly elected NAH Eastside Representative. Most importantly, I can’t avoid tapping mallets and saying “good game” to the guys who beat me, and I definitely can’t avoid acknowledging the effort made by the guys on my team.

I am genuinely happy for anyone that scores a sick goal on me. Seriously! It fuels my fire. It makes me want to get better at defending shots, it shows me what I should do to prevent it from happening again, and it gives me and my team a chance to adjust and figure out what we can do to thrash the other team for the rest of the game. But no matter what happens with regards to the score, the tournament seeding, or the bracket standings, I will say that you did a great job and congratulate you on a good game.

I can only try to improve myself and my game. I can’t control the people around me. I want to win just as much as the other team, and while a loss is disappointing, it isn’t the end of the world. There will be other games, other tournaments, other players and other teams. As long as we keep playing bike polo, there will always be winners and losers. And in a way, none of us ever really win, we just do a little better each time. -ZS

This guy is a huge loser, but for a slightly different reason. Maybe it’s his denim jacket & jeans combo. Maybe it’s his extra long fu manchu. But it’s probably just his dual-dildo sideways bike.

The post The Art of Losing Gracefully appeared first on Boston Bike Polo.

If you have played bike polo in your lifetime, you have been a loser.
If you continue to play bike polo, you will definitely lose again.

Losing sucks. It’s probably the second most shitty thing that can happen while playing polo, after breaking your scaphoid. There are only four different outcomes from a game of polo: your team wins, your team loses, both teams tie, or the game ends prematurely because someone broke his scaphoid. There are so many emotions that we have to deal with as players, and not to get all psychiatric or anything, but having the emotional maturity to deal with a tough loss is SUPER important when dealing with angry drunk bikers holding long aluminum sticks.

I’ve recently changed my perspective about losing (or as I like to call it, “not winning”), and while the pain of losing still stings like a nest of wasps, I am much more gracious than I used to be. I used to throw mallets and mean mug my friends and yell and scream like a little bitch. It was embarrassing in the purest sense of the word; embarrassing for my teammates, embarrassing for my club, and most of all embarrassing for me. I’m not proud of it, but I am man enough to admit that I can be a sore loser.

When you lose, don’t be this guy.

The change I made is specific to the way I relate to the game in my head. I make a very conscious effort to remind myself that I have to be friends with everyone I played with when I get off the court. On the court, this means that I can’t make fun of my opponents stupid shirt, no matter how fucking stupid it is. I can’t cheat or be a dick or be unsportsmanlike, it is unbecoming of a newly elected NAH Eastside Representative. Most importantly, I can’t avoid tapping mallets and saying “good game” to the guys who beat me, and I definitely can’t avoid acknowledging the effort made by the guys on my team.

I am genuinely happy for anyone that scores a sick goal on me. Seriously! It fuels my fire. It makes me want to get better at defending shots, it shows me what I should do to prevent it from happening again, and it gives me and my team a chance to adjust and figure out what we can do to thrash the other team for the rest of the game. But no matter what happens with regards to the score, the tournament seeding, or the bracket standings, I will say that you did a great job and congratulate you on a good game.

I can only try to improve myself and my game. I can’t control the people around me. I want to win just as much as the other team, and while a loss is disappointing, it isn’t the end of the world. There will be other games, other tournaments, other players and other teams. As long as we keep playing bike polo, there will always be winners and losers. And in a way, none of us ever really win, we just do a little better each time. -ZS

This guy is a huge loser, but for a slightly different reason. Maybe it’s his denim jacket & jeans combo. Maybe it’s his extra long fu manchu. But it’s probably just his dual-dildo sideways bike.

The post The Art of Losing Gracefully appeared first on Boston Bike Polo.